Thoughts While Watching The Bachelor: Season 20 Episode 2 (or is it 3?)

Here. We. Go.

Remember how I said that eventually some of these chicks would leave me loathing my own gender? Well, Olivia wasted no time becoming that women in last night’s episode …. but more on that later. In the meantime, let’s all look at this picture of Olivia. She waits for the date card the same way that I wait for food.

To start the night, Ben takes Jo Jo, Lace, Jubilee and about five other chicks that I don’t care about, on a group date. Lace states, “I’m excited that I get to go on this date … because I get to redeem myself real quick”
HAHAHAHAHA.
HAHA.
HA.
I could start a drinking game with the amount of times that she says “I’m not crazy”
Me thinks she doth protest too much.
Anyway, they go on the date and it is basically just a bunch of sexual innuendos. First, they have to “make Ben’s volcano explode” and then they bob for apples. Seriously, now? This episode just set women back by about a trillion years.
Some of the comments thrown around during the date were:
“I think Jackie is wishing she had a bigger mouth at this point.”
“Jackie is not good with her mouth. Unfortunately.”
These comments leave no room for surprise when she gets sent home at the end of the night.
Moving on.
The dentist wins all the games of the day, but she comes up empty handed at the rose ceremony. Her mildly crazy run has come to and end and I don’t think anyone cares.

Next up is the only one-on-one date of the episode (although, some could say that every time Olivia is within 10 feet of Ben, she makes it a one-on-one). Ben takes my girl Caila on a date with Kevin Hart and Ice-T. You know, usual date stuff. The girls freak out when the celebs walk into the room … and continue to do so as they walk outside to see Ben and Caila off.
WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AND CLAPPING?!?!
I guarantee you that half of those chicks don’t even know who Kevin and Ice are. That whole scene reminded me of sitting in the audience of a talk show, because you are always instructed to yell and clap for reasons that are beyond you. I mean, there is a person who is literally employed, based on their ability to get an audience to clap and be lively. Live TV baffles me.
Anywho, on a date they go. Kevin Hart is funny. Ben and Caila are cute. They both pretend that they know who the singer is that they dance to. There’s not really much else to say about the date. It was cute. Those two are the definition of cute. I’m bored.
Next.
Another group date.
Olivia, Samantha … and some others (I don’t do well with names until there is only roughly 5 girls left), go on a date that measures body heat and smell. My nightmare. Ask any guy who has ever dated me – I have no body heat. My hands could pass for dead AF and I am always cold. Intriguing, I know.
Like the first group date, this one left little to be desired. Without skipping a beat, Ben gave Olivia the rose which left Samantha not only smelling, but feeling, sour. Ben is officially under the Olivia trance. Please keep in mind …. this is Olivia:
After the group date, Olivia walks around in all her cocky glory, treating the other ladies like they are the 101 Dalmatians and she is Cruella Deville. Not one to veer from her new status as total annoying bitch, Olivia decides that even though she already has a rose, she needs to take some more of Ben’s time. I guess she figured that he was the only one that had yet to see her tonsils.
After her time with Ben, Olivia sits down and proclaims:

“Now I am done … so everyone can have at it … and I hope you respect that”

I’d like to ‘have at’ her face. I don’t know how none of the girls said anything. I am not a super outspoken person, but I would have not let that comment fly … especially if I was a glass or two deep in wine. So now pretty much every girl in the house hates her, but that’s ok, it will make for entertaining TV. Lord knows that this season needs it. I was seriously WAY more entertained by my Twitter feed, full of funny Olivia memes, than I was by this episode.

Step up your game Bachelor – I’m recording Vanderpump Rules for you.

At the end of the night, three (or four?) girls went home. Jackie went home because she didn’t have a big enough mouth. Samantha went home because she smelled like sour Chinese food and the other girl(s?) went home because everyone, including Ben, forgot who they were. It’s also worth mentioning that the Fashion Buyer left on her own accord. I don’t blame her. I rather be around clothes all day than a bunch of chicks with their claws out, vying for the attention of a dude I don’t know. Then again, I don’t do well with competition. If I am dating someone and I find out he is dating another chick …. I sigh and say to myself “have at him”. I’m not built to compete for a guy. I don’t have it in me. The thought alone exhausts me. What fun is that, anyway? Being on this show would be a nightmare.
I’m getting off-track.
Ben sends home about three girls and you feel for them (especially the girl who was told she smelled ‘sour’). Rejection sucks. Being rejected and then having a camera shoved in your face while you are forced to discuss how bad you feel about the rejection? I’d rather publish my diaries from the 7th grade. Actually, they would probably be more entertaining than this episode …. and contain the word “like” way less.

Until next week tomorrow. See you Bachies later.